


Don't Let Me Go

by illonimo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Kylo and reader are siblings, Lots of Angst, there is a small hint at poe/reader/finn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25142959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illonimo/pseuds/illonimo
Summary: Family was everything, or was it?
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Reader
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> So as of rn this is a one shot ( with a alternative ending but feel free to let me know in the comments if you want to this to be an actual series )

_**"Y/N, my dearest sister.”**_

You finished fighting off a small group of Stormtroopers when the voice seeped into your mind almost like honey. Snapping your head to look around for the owner you ran closer to the battlefield, shutting your lightsaber down. Explosions rang out around you, rubble and dirt being thrown everywhere, digging into your flesh as they cut close to your running form. The ground had been one hell of a firefight but the skies were just as bad as First Order TIE Fighters and Resistance X-Wings battled it out, the ones that had been take out crashing into the fight below.

“Tell me, which one should I kill first; your beloved pilot or the Stormtrooper you tainted with your ideals of the Light.”

Panic pushed you to make it to the epicenter of the fight knowing that’s where you would find Finn. You looked at the sky, hoping that Poe would keep himself safe as there was no way to identify which X-Wing was his from this far.

A few Stormtroopers took note of your arrival and started to shoot their blasters at you, which you blocked just in time with your lightsaber.

“It’s Kylo Ren’s sister, that’s her lightsaber.” One of the Stormtroopers cried out as you blocked their attacks, taking one down as their deflected attack hit them. You had a double-bladed lightsaber made with a golden yellow crystal, standing out from the more recognize green and blue that most Jedi held. At the mention of your brother’s “name,” you advanced your attacks. It was more than likely he had ordered them to capture you, it was his voice after all that was trickling inside of your mind. He was here, somewhere.

Sweeping your weapon in front of you, you managed to take out one of the Stormtroopers. The others shot their blasters still, though as one of their deflected shots took another down you realized their blasters were set to ‘stun’, not ‘kill’.

“Tell your precious leader that the Jedi live,” Deflecting one last attack that hit into another one as they fell to the ground you whipped your head around. Your eyes stopped when you saw Finn pinned down by another Stormtrooper, his only defense being your grandfather’s lightsaber. Your feet moved before you could think and you found yourself throwing the Stormtrooper off of Finn with the Force back into a boulder.

_**“Tick, Tock.”**_

“Y/N?” Finn shot to his feet, looking you over as if to check for injuries and you held a hand up to stop his worrying.

_**“Tick, Tock.”**_

“I’m fine, I need to get you somewhere safe.” Looking around you saw a ship landing, one all too familiar and you moved around Finn, making sure he was behind you. “Go find one of the ships, get out of here.” You told him, your words rushed. “Tell General Organa that Kylo Ren is here, tell them to pull back the fighters.” Finn’s hands found your shoulders, holding you still. “Tell Poe I’m sorry.”

_**“Tick, Tock.”**_

“What about you?” He demanded and you shook your head, starting up your lightsaber again, it’s heat radiating against you.

_**“Time’s up.”**_

“Don’t worry about me.” You offered him a bittersweet smile. “Take care of them.” Patting his shoulder you heard the hiss of ship doors opening. “Go.” You pushed him and he hesitantly retreated back with the rest of the Resistance and you turned, catching the figure of your brother just yards ahead of you.

“How does it feel to betray your family? How does it feel to betray your blood?” You demanded, gritting your teeth as his lightsaber flickered on. It was so angry, so full of hate. Hate that was twisting inside of him. He gave you no answer which only created some anger inside of you. “Answer me, Ben!” You yelled, swinging your lightsaber between your fingers, your eyes taking note of the soldiers surrounding you. They were careful to keep their distance, the fight you were going to have to participate in clearly only going to be with your brother.

“Ben is _dead_. He was weak and I destroyed him.” The disdain was not hidden by the helmet he wore and you clenched your hand around the staff part of your saber. “I am Kylo Ren, Force warrior of Snoke, The Supreme Leader.”

“You are a scared boy with a helmet!” You yelled back, the anger festering. All of the anger you held for him all those years coming to a head. “A boy who lives in a shadow!” That seemed to be his tipping point as he advanced, aiming a blow for your shoulder, which you blocked, throwing him off of you.

“And you are a traitor!” He screamed, his lightsaber hitting into yours, crackling as he forced you against a piece of rubble that once was a wall. His saber was so close to your face you could feel your skin starting to prickle with pain. “You could rule the galaxy with me, this power could all be yours.” He was no longer screaming. “You just have to come to the Dark side.” The lower half of his saber dug into your shoulder and you let out a cry of pain. “Join me.”

“Never.” You spat, used all the Force you could manage to throw him back along with the backing of the heel of your boot that you planted squarely in his abdomen. As he sputtered, stumbling back you spun with your lightsaber, slicing across his arm. Letting out a yelp of pain retaliated with a shot to your side which made you fall to your knees.

“You are weak.” He spat and you glared up at him, a hand pressed into your side as your lightsaber rested in your other hand. The fighting from above had ceased and you only prayed that Poe had gotten out safely. “Even when your life is in danger you think of him, the pilot.” You could feel him reach into your mind with his Force and you pushed back, shoving him out.

“Stay out of my head.” You spat through your teeth, aiming a blow to his side, which he blocked. Using your injuries to his advantage he shoved you to your back, his foot crunching down on your wrist, a sick pop following a yell of profanities to exit your lips. The pain made your hand unclench, your lightsaber hitting the ground, switching off.

“Take her to the Interrogation Room,” Kylo commanded and you felt your arms seized, most likely by the Stormtroopers that had surrounded you before. You struggled against their grip but you knew you were drained, mentally and physically. You had been fighting for hours, and using the Force as you did was draining on your body, you were lucky you had stayed strong this long. Holding his hand to your head you felt your consciousness being pulled from you as he pulled his hand away.

You awoke with a jolt, your eyes scanning the ceiling of what seemed to be a Medical Bay. Your body ached and your wrist cried out in pain when you tried to pull yourself up. The last thing you had remembered was being knocked out by your brother after a short altercation.

_Where were you? Had you been rescued by the Resistance?_

“Do not get your hopes up so high.” A voice spoke from the shadows and you narrowed your eyes. Your brother’s form slinked into the light, the helmet still upon his head and you tsked.

“Take that helmet off, stop hiding.” You spat, glaring at him as he only slightly cocked his head to the side. He reached up, the front of the helmet unlatching. You prepared yourself mentally, you hadn’t seen your brother since he had defected and left you in the ashes of a burning building to die. Now you only had this helmet that haunted you every waking moment and even in your nightmares. His hands pulled the helmet away and you felt taken aback.

He resembled many things from your parents and you could even see some resemblance to him in you. You two shared your thick, black hair, your full lips; there was no denying that this monster was your brother. This was Ben.

Maybe it was foolish to hope that Ben Solo had died, that he wasn’t the one under the mask doing these terrible things. That he wasn’t the one causing all this death and destruction. That this was just some masked villain that had stolen his name to strike hurt into you and your families hearts.

“No one here is hiding.” His voice was still deep outside of the mask, it’s gravelyness reminding you of your father. “And if someone were hiding it would not be me.” He words were accusing and you avoiding his stare. He was right, you had avoided fighting him all these years, you avoided it as much as possible. You didn’t want to have to face someone you used to know, someone you looked up to, someone who was your brother.

“I wasn’t hiding, you just couldn’t catch up.” You threw back, covering the spiraling thoughts that filled your mind with sarcasm that easily slipped passed through your lips.

“I can feel your inner turmoil, your pain, your grief.” He moved towards you suddenly and you looked up at him. “The years of pain that you have endured at the hands of the Resistance. I can sense how hopeless it all feels, how pathetic your life has become.” His hands cupped your face and you steeled yourself. He was digging at your doubts, your fears and you knew it. But it didn’t make it hurt any less. “I can take that all away if you join me. If you give up this Resistance dream and join me, where you belong. We will control the galaxy, we will fill the void left by our grandfather. We will be his legacy.” You could feel tears prick up in your eyes as you looked into his eyes.

“You cannot see how far you have fallen. You cannot see how lost you are.” His eyes widened at your words and he pulled his hand from your face, almost like he had been shocked with having contact with you. “There is light in you Ben.” You could see it just beneath the cracks of his facade.

“Stop it.” He warned but you persisted, digging deeper.

“You are struggling with who you are and who you think you should be.” You kept speaking even though you could tell each word was putting him on edge.

“I said stop it!” He demanded.

“You have doubts if this is the right thing. If this was really grandfather’s legacy.” The words barely left your mouth when you felt a tight constriction on your neck, the Dark energy pouring off of him. You gasped for air and you could feel your tears spill to your cheeks, your head beginning to pound. Your fingers scratched at your throat even though you knew it wasn’t physically him choking you. “Ben,” Your voice was almost pleading but you knew once you saw the spots bleeding into your vision that he would kill you like this. Just as you felt yourself slipping away, your airways were opened, the restriction around your throat, gone.

You coughed, your breathing labored. Your heart beat was in your ears and your chest rose and fell rapidly until it evened out to a somewhat even rhythm.

“I thought you would be different, that you would understand what happened, what is happening. But it seems the Light has already tainted you.” He spoke, backing away from you. “There is only one place for Resistance traitors,” He paused as he placed his helmet back on, it latching into place, “the cells.”

Days had turned into weeks, weeks into months. You were an official prisoner of war that the First Order was waiting for the right time to use tactically. If you hadn’t been Ben’s sister, if your mother hadn’t of been the General leading it all; you would have been dead.

_How many others hadn’t been as lucky as you? How many had suffered their days down here?_

You wondered about Poe, you wondered if he thought you were dead if he had mourned not knowing that it would only get worse. You were the First Order’s trump card, you were their end game if push came to shove. They believed the Resistance would do anything to have their beloved Y/N Solo back. And you were afraid they were right.

You were afraid that Poe would do something rash, that your mother’s best judgment would fly out the window when she saw you; beaten, bruised and broken. These months of torture took a toll on you, they gave you enough food to keep you alive but never enough to satisfy. And after that night in the Medical Bay, you hadn’t seen Ben. Maybe he had his hand forced into this, maybe it was his idea. You didn’t know anymore.

Your mind had been broken down with nightmares of your dead loved ones, your will crushed with the amount of time you had spent in the same four walls. Explosions from outside the walls no longer excited you or filled you with hope, they made you wish that they’d hit your sector. Made you wish that you’d die in the fire, that the First Order would not have any hold over your loved ones.

But part of you wanted to see your mother and father again, part of you wanted to see Poe. To tell him it was okay, that he could move on, that he could forget you. You wanted to tell them goodbye, you wanted them to know that you were at peace with what you had done in your life. That you were ready to go, you were ready to rest.

Your public execution had been announced later that very day, the announcement reaching every corner of the galaxy. They had dressed you in black robes, ones similar to Ben’s, your hair pulled from your face to show the damage they had done to your face. There was no effort to hide the cuts, bruises and dried blood that your skin was littered with.

People in the crowd cheered, each one only knowing you as a Resistance traitor who deserved the penalty you were getting. They didn’t know that it was the only way your brother would let you go without you have to turn to the Darkness. Hell, you weren’t even sure they knew you were of his blood; he was the mighty Kylo Ren to them, not Ben Solo. Not your brother.

Soon it was the day you were to die. They had kept you in the black robes as almost an insult to the white ones you wore more often than not as a Jedi. It was to make a mockery out of the Light. And the saddest part of that was that it did not bother you. In the days leading up until this one, you had found yourself contemplating what it would be to live on the Dark side. To be free of your commitment to the Light.

You had noticed how much this had changed you. It is said that a Jedi never breaks, never loses their will, but you knew you lost yours long ago. You had noticed the orange hue seeping into your eyes, the thoughts that you would once dare not to think. You were beginning to turn and you couldn’t find the will to stop it.

**Because it was foolish.**

The air was chilly as you walked to the podium, the crowd before you quivering in anticipation. You wondered if this had always been the way it was to be, you dying at the hands of your brother. You had escaped death once at his hands, maybe this was a sign that you shouldn’t have fought so much. Maybe this was a shine that you should have joined him when you had the chance.

“It is not too late.” Kylo’s voice spoke beside you and you stared at him. The people in the crowd looked on expectantly, a Resistance soldier that defected to the First Order, that must have almost been better than you dead. “You can rule at my side, we can carry our grandfather’s legacy.” His hand outstretched towards you and you looked at it. “You can have all the power they stripped from you. In that power, you can have victory.”

Your hand twitched by your side and you saw the glint in his eye, he had noticed that you were hesitating. That you were not in the Light anymore.

“Ben,” As you went to spoke you heard a barrage of gunfire, ships flying overhead the podium where you stood. Officers and people alike ran from the stage and the crowd, Stormtroopers firing at the ships but to no avail getting shot down as one landed squarely on the podium. Resistance officers poured from the ship, engaging in the fight. You and Ben stood amongst the chaos and you raised your hand. The fighting would end if you chose the Dark, it would save lives.

“Y/N!” A voice screamed your name and you flattered, your hand retracting back to your side as your head snapped to look behind you. “Don’t do this!” Your eyes met soft, warm brown ones, ones you had dreamed of seeing again, ones you had wished you’d never have to see go cold.

_Poe_

You could feel your feet move towards him but there was something that stopped you. Conflict tore at you and you knew why.

_Ben_

Your eyes flickered back to your brother who still stood with his hand outreached. You had the ability to be with your brother again, to spend time making up for lost years. If you left you’d be a Jedi again, you would be set into a place that there would be no escaping from. And the next time you would see your brother you would have to kill him.

Looking back to Poe, who also had his hand outreached you felt a lump grow in your throat. He was all your heart had been since you had met him, he was your world. You’d give your life for him to be safe but you knew if chose the Dark, you’d never be apart of his world again. And the next time you saw the love of your life he’d have to kill you.

“It is time to choose,” Ben spoke up and you could feel him willing you to come with him, to not abandon him. To not leave him alone in the Dark. “Be by my side and rule or be by his and die.” It sounded like a threat but you knew it was a promise. It was a promise that he wouldn’t give you this chance the next time you met. That there would be no take backs. “Be apart of our rightful legacy.”

**You couldn’t.**

**_Could you?_ **

“I’m sorry.”

Tears spilled over your cheeks and you stepped back from your brother, then another step and then another until Poe had a hold of your forearm and you had his as he hauled you into the Resistance cruiser. Stormtrooper’s fire seemed to cease as the ship flew away, your fighters stopping as well. As the shuttle doors shut you could see the hate in Ben’s eyes, you could see the pure anger and hate he had for you.

“You’ll regret this.”

Getting back to the Resistance base had been a series of stopping and switching shuttles so the First Order couldn’t track the ships. It also had been a lot of silence between you and Poe. He had seen you hesitate, he had seen the moment you almost aligned with the Dark side. And you could tell he was worried, it practically radiating off of him.

When you landed you knew your mother would be outside, waiting. She would sense what had happened, she didn’t use the Force but she knew how it worked, how it felt. You were hesitant to leave the ship, the only driving force to get your to leave was the hand Poe had on your lower back and the promise of a hot shower and food.

You mother stood at the bottom of the ramp to get off the shuttle and as soon as your feet were on the ground you felt her arms wrap around you. The feeling made you feel like a kid again, a scared kid. You gripped her just as tight as though if she were going to disappear the moment you let go.

“Don’t you ever, ever do that to us again.” She scolded lightly and you couldn’t help but nod. Eventually, she pulled away from your reluctant arms and she looked over to where Poe had been waiting. “Take her to the Medical wing and then to her quarters, she needs to rest.” He simply nodded with small ‘yes General’ before leading you into the building and out of the hanger.

The medics had been quick about you check over, suggesting you get some rest. You had nodded to all their instructions their words not sticking. You could not ignore the stirring inside of you that had been happening since you had left the First Order base. You had set it to being just nerves but you had no reason to be nervous now. You were safe, you were with Poe. You were home.

_But how long until home was torn from you? Or you from home?_

Sitting up on the edge of the bed you carefully pulled Poe’s arm from around your waist, careful not to wake him up. Nightmares had invaded your sleep again and you could feel panic rising in your chest. Walking to the bathroom carefully you closed the door behind you, turning on the cold water. You took some water in your hands, pressing it into your hot skin. Standing up straight you ran your hand over your face, catching a look at yourself in the mirror.

One of your eyes was was a light orange. In confusion, you blinked and the eye was back to normal. What was that?

_You are hallucinating just go back to bed._

You calmed yourself, taking a deep breath before moving back into bed with Poe, his arms wrapping right back around you. This is where you were meant to be. This was where you needed to be.

_**“This isn’t over.”**_


	2. Chapter One : Alternative Ending

_**“Y/N, my dearest sister.”** _

You finished fighting off a small group of Stormtroopers when the voice seeped into your mind almost like honey. Snapping your head to look around for the owner you ran closer to the battlefield, shutting your lightsaber down. Explosions rang out around you, rubble and dirt being thrown everywhere, digging into your flesh as they cut close to your running form. The ground had been one hell of a firefight but the skies were just as bad as First Order TIE Fighters and Resistance X-Wings battled it out, the ones that had been take out crashing into the fight below.

“Tell me, which one should I kill first; your beloved pilot or the Stormtrooper you tainted with your ideals of the Light.”

Panic pushed you to make it to the epicenter of the fight knowing that’s where you would find Finn. You looked at the sky, hoping that Poe would keep himself safe as there was no way to identify which X-Wing was his from this far.

A few Stormtroopers took note of your arrival and started to shoot their blasters at you, which you blocked just in time with your lightsaber.

“It’s Kylo Ren’s sister, that’s her lightsaber.” One of the Stormtroopers cried out as you blocked their attacks, taking one down as their deflected attack hit them. You had a double-bladed lightsaber made with a golden yellow crystal, standing out from the more recognize green and blue that most Jedi held. At the mention of your brother’s “name,” you advanced your attacks. It was more than likely he had ordered them to capture you, it was his voice after all that was trickling inside of your mind. He was here, somewhere.

Sweeping your weapon in front of you, you managed to take out one of the Stormtroopers. The others shot their blasters still, though as one of their deflected shots took another down you realized their blasters were set to ‘stun’, not ‘kill’.

“Tell your precious leader that the Jedi live,” Deflecting one last attack that hit into another one as they fell to the ground you whipped your head around. Your eyes stopped when you saw Finn pinned down by another Stormtrooper, his only defense being your grandfather’s lightsaber. Your feet moved before you could think and you found yourself throwing the Stormtrooper off of Finn with the Force back into a boulder.

_**“Tick, Tock.”** _

“Y/N?” Finn shot to his feet, looking you over as if to check for injuries and you held a hand up to stop his worrying.

_**“Tick, Tock.”** _

“I’m fine, I need to get you somewhere safe.” Looking around you saw a ship landing, one all too familiar and you moved around Finn, making sure he was behind you. “Go find one of the ships, get out of here.” You told him, your words rushed. “Tell General Organa that Kylo Ren is here, tell them to pull back the fighters.” Finn’s hands found your shoulders, holding you still. “Tell Poe I’m sorry.”

_**“Tick, Tock.”** _

“What about you?” He demanded and you shook your head, starting up your lightsaber again, it’s heat radiating against you.

_**“Time’s up.”** _

“Don’t worry about me.” You offered him a bittersweet smile. “Take care of them.” Patting his shoulder you heard the hiss of ship doors opening. “Go.” You pushed him and he hesitantly retreated back with the rest of the Resistance and you turned, catching the figure of your brother just yards ahead of you.

“How does it feel to betray your family? How does it feel to betray your blood?” You demanded, gritting your teeth as his lightsaber flickered on. It was so angry, so full ofhate. Hate that was twisting inside of him. He gave you no answer which only created some anger inside of you. “Answer me, Ben!” You yelled, swinging your lightsaber between your fingers, your eyes taking note of the soldiers surrounding you. They were careful to keep their distance, the fight you were going to have to participate in clearly only going to be with your brother.

“Ben is _dead_. He was weak and I destroyed him.” The disdain was not hidden by the helmet he wore and you clenched your hand around the staff part of your saber. “I am Kylo Ren, Force warrior of Snoke, The Supreme Leader.”

“You are a scared boy with a helmet!” You yelled back, the anger festering. All of the anger you held for him all those years coming to a head. “A boy who lives in a shadow!” That seemed to be his tipping point as he advanced, aiming a blow for your shoulder, which you blocked, throwing him off of you.

“And you are a traitor!” He screamed, his lightsaber hitting into yours, crackling as he forced you against a piece of rubble that once was a wall. His saber was so close to your face you could feel your skin starting to prickle with pain. “You could rule the galaxy with me, this power could all be yours.” He was no longer screaming. “You just have to come to the Dark side.” The lower half of his saber dug into your shoulder and you let out a cry of pain. “Join me.”

“Never.” You spat, used all the Force you could manage to throw him back along with the backing of the heel of your boot that you planted squarely in his abdomen. As he sputtered, stumbling back you spun with your lightsaber, slicing across his arm. Letting out a yelp of pain retaliated with a shot to your side which made you fall to your knees.

“You are weak.” He spat and you glared up at him, a hand pressed into your side as your lightsaber rested in your other hand. The fighting from above had ceased and you only prayed that Poe had gotten out safely. “Even when your life is in danger you think of him, the pilot.” You could feel him reach into your mind with his Force and you pushed back, shoving him out.

“Stay out of my head.” You spat through your teeth, aiming a blow to his side, which he blocked. Using your injuries to his advantage he shoved you to your back, his foot crunching down on your wrist, a sick pop following a yell of profanities to exit your lips. The pain made your hand unclench, your lightsaber hitting the ground, switching off.

“Take her to the Interrogation Room,” Ben commanded and you felt your arms seized, most likely by the Stormtroopers that had surrounded you before. You struggled against their grip but you knew you were drained, mentally and physically. You had been fighting for hours, and using the Force as you did was draining on your body, you were lucky you had stayed strong this long. Holding his hand to your head you felt your consciousness being pulled from you as he pulled his hand away.

You awoke with a jolt, your eyes scanning the ceiling of what seemed to be a Medical Bay. Your body ached and your wrist cried out in pain when you tried to pull yourself up. The last thing you had remembered was being knocked out by your brother after a short altercation.

_Where were you? Had you been rescued by the Resistance?_

“Do not get your hopes up so high.” A voice spoke from the shadows and you narrowed your eyes. Your brother’s form slinked into the light, the helmet still upon his head and you tsked.

“Take that helmet off, stop hiding.” You spat, glaring at him as he only slightly cocked his head to the side. He reached up, the front of the helmet unlatching. You prepared yourself mentally, you hadn’t seen your brother since he had defected and left you in the ashes of a burning building to die. Now you only had this helmet that haunted you every waking moment and even in your nightmares. His hands pulled the helmet away and you felt taken aback.

He resembled many things from your parents and you could even see some resemblance to him in you. You two shared your thick, black hair, your full lips; there was no denying that this monster was your brother. This was Ben.

Maybe it was foolish to hope that Ben Solo had died, that he wasn’t the one under the mask doing these terrible things. That he wasn’t the one causing all this death and destruction. That this was just some masked villain that had stolen his name to strike hurt into you and your families hearts.

“No one here is hiding.” His voice was still deep outside of the mask, it’s gravelyness reminding you of your father. “And if someone were hiding it would not be me.” He words were accusing and you avoiding his stare. He was right, you had avoided fighting him all these years, you avoided it as much as possible. You didn’t want to have to face someone you used to know, someone you looked up to, someone who was your brother.

“I wasn’t hiding, you just couldn’t catch up.” You threw back, covering the spiraling thoughts that filled your mind with sarcasm that easily slipped passed through your lips.

“I can feel your inner turmoil, your pain, your grief.” He moved towards you suddenly and you looked up at him. “The years of pain that you have endured at the hands of the Resistance. I can sense how hopeless it all feels, how pathetic your life has become.” His hands cupped your face and you steeled yourself. He was digging at your doubts, your fears and you knew it. But it didn’t make it hurt any less. “I can take that all away if you join me. If you give up this Resistance dream and join me, where you belong. We will control the galaxy, we will fill the void left by our grandfather. We will be his legacy.” You could feel tears prick up in your eyes as you looked into his eyes.

“You cannot see how far you have fallen. You cannot see how lost you are.” His eyes widened at your words and he pulled his hand from your face, almost like he had been shocked with having contact with you. “There is light in you Ben.” You could see it just beneath the cracks of his facade.

“Stop it.” He warned but you persisted, digging deeper.

“You are struggling with who you are and who you think you should be.” You kept speaking even though you could tell each word was putting him on edge.

“I said stop it!” He demanded.

“You have doubts if this is the right thing. If this was really grandfather’s legacy.” The words barely left your mouth when you felt a tight constriction on your neck, the Dark energy pouring off of him. You gasped for air and you could feel your tears spill to your cheeks, your head beginning to pound. Your fingers scratched at your throat even though you knew it wasn’t physically him choking you. “Ben,” Your voice was almost pleading but you knew once you saw the spots bleeding into your vision that he would kill you like this. Just as you felt yourself slipping away, your airways were opened, the restriction around your throat, gone.

You coughed, your breathing labored. Your heart beat was in your ears and your chest rose and fell rapidly until it evened out to a somewhat even rhythm.

“I thought you would be different, that you would understand what happened, what is happening. But it seems the Light has already tainted you.” He spoke, backing away from you. “There is only one place for Resistance traitors,” He paused as he placed his helmet back on, it latching into place, “the cells.”

Days had turned into weeks, weeks into months. You were an official prisoner of war that the First Order was waiting for the right time to use tactically. If you hadn’t been Ben’s sister, if your mother hadn’t of been the General leading it all; you’would have been dead.

_How many others hadn’t been as lucky as you? How many had suffered their days down here?_

You wondered about Poe, you wondered if he thought you were dead if he had mourned not knowing that it would only get worse. You were the First Order’s trump card, you were their end game if push came to shove. They believed the Resistance would do anything to have their beloved Y/N Solo back. And you were afraid they were right.

You were afraid that Poe would do something rash, that your mother’s best judgment would fly out the window when she saw you; beaten, bruised and broken. These months of torture took a toll on you, they gave you enough food to keep you alive but never enough to satisfy. And after that night in the Medical Bay, you hadn’t seen Ben. Maybe he had his hand forced into this, maybe it was his idea. You didn’t know anymore.

Your mind had been broken down with nightmares of your dead loved ones, your will crushed with the amount of time you had spent in the same four walls. Explosions from outside the walls no longer excited you or filled you with hope, they made you wish that they’d hit your sector. Made you wish that you’d die in the fire, that the First Order would not have any hold over your loved ones.

But part of you wanted to see your mother and father again, part of you wanted to see Poe. To tell him it was okay, that he could move on, that he could forget you. You wanted to tell them goodbye, you wanted them to know that you were at peace with what you had done in your life. That you were ready to go, you were ready to rest.

Your public execution had been announced later that very day, the announcement reaching every corner of the galaxy. They had dressed you in black robes, ones similar to Ben’s, your hair pulled from your face to show the damage they had done to your face. There was no effort to hide the cuts, bruises and dried blood that your skin was littered with.

People in the crowd cheered, each one only knowing you as a Resistance traitor who deserved the penalty you were getting. They didn’t know that it was the only way your brother would let you go without you have to turn to the Darkness. Hell, you weren’t even sure they knew you were of his blood; he was the mighty Kylo Ren to them, not Ben Solo. Not your brother.

Soon it was the day you were to die. They had kept you in the black robes as almost an insult to the white ones you wore more often than not as a Jedi. It was to make a mockery out of the Light. And the saddest part of that was that it did not bother you. In the days leading up until this one, you had found yourself contemplating what it would be to live on the Dark side. To be free of your commitment to the Light.

You had noticed how much this had changed you. It is said that a Jedi never breaks, never loses their will, but you knew you lost yours long ago. You had noticed the orange hue seeping into your eyes, the thoughts that you would once dare not to think. You were beginning to turn and you couldn’t find the will to stop it.

**Because it was foolish.**

The air was chilly as you walked to the podium, the crowd before you quivering in anticipation. You wondered if this had always been the way it was to be, you dying at the hands of your brother. You had escaped death once at his hands, maybe this was a sign that you shouldn’t have fought so much. Maybe this was a shine that you should have joined him when you had the chance.

“It is not too late.” Ben’s voice spoke beside you and you stared at him. The people in the crowd looked on expectantly, a Resistance soldier that defected to the First Order, that must have almost been better than you dead. “You can rule at my side, we can carry our grandfather’s legacy.” His hand outstretched towards you and you looked at it. “You can have all the power they stripped from you. In that power, you can have victory.”

Your hand twitched by your side and you saw the glint in his eye, he had noticed that you were hesitating. That you were not in the Light anymore.

“Ben,” As you went to spoke you heard a barrage of gunfire, ships flying overhead the podium where you stood. Officers and people alike ran from the stage and the crowd, Stormtroopers firing at the ships but to no avail getting shot down as one landed squarely on the podium. Resistance officers poured from the ship, engaging in the fight. You and Ben stood amongst the chaos and you raised your hand. The fighting would end if you chose the Dark, it would save lives.

“Y/N!” A voice screamed your name and you flattered, your hand retracting back to your side as your head snapped to look behind you. “Don’t do this!” Your eyes met soft, warm brown ones, ones you had dreamed of seeing again, ones you had wished you’d never have to see go cold.

_Poe_

You could feel your feet move towards him but there was something that stopped you. Conflict tore at you and you knew why.

_Ben_

Your eyes flickered back to your brother who still stood with his hand outreached. You had the ability to be with your brother again, to spend time making up for lost years. If you left you’d be a Jedi again, you would be set into a place that there would be no escaping from. And the next time you would see your brother you would have to kill him.

Looking back to Poe, who also had his hand outreached you felt a lump grow in your throat. He was all your heart had been since you had met him, he was your world. You’d give your life for him to be safe but you knew if chose the Dark, you’d never be apart of his world again. And the next time you saw the love of your life he’d have to kill you.

“It is time to choose,” Ben spoke up and you could feel him willing you to come with him, to not abandon him. To not leave him alone in the Dark. “Be by my side and rule or be by his and die.” It sounded like a threat but you knew it was a promise. It was a promise that he wouldn’t give you this chance the next time you met. That there would be no take backs. “Be apart of our rightful legacy.”

**You couldn’t.**

_**Could you?** _

“I’m sorry, Poe.” Tears spilled over your cheeks and you stepped away from Poe, your hand finding your brother’s. You couldn’t take the pain that being a Jedi brought anymore, the doubts that had overcome you were proof of that. You were broken.

You caught Poe’s disbelieving gaze and you felt Ben pull you closer to him, away from Poe; away from the Light.

“Y/N, don’t do this!” Poe yelled, stepping closer. “Don’t go down this path.” You felt yourself push him lightly with the Force. There was no turning back, there was no more Light.

“Go Poe.” You wanted him to leave before you were forced to do something you didn’t want to do.

“Y/N.” Your name died on his lips as Ben pulled you against him, in an almost hug as he held your head to his chest, as if he was shielding you from Poe. Your tears stained his robes and you closed your eyes. You didn’t want to feel this pain, the pain of leaving behind those you loved.

**_“It will be better this way._** ”

Ben’s voice found its way into your mind and for once you didn’t shove it out, you didn’t shy away from the darkness that clouded your mind. There was some pain as you could feel the Force enter your mind, clouding your memory. You could feel the pain in your chest fading the more it spread. And when it retracted you weren’t afraid of the Dark anymore, it was all you had known, it was all you could remember knowing.


End file.
